My blogging buddy Kristine at Adulting In Progress recently did a post about guilty pleasures. Her’s were reality TV shows. I don’t watch a lot of reality TV shows but it got me thinking about the ones I do watch. The BIG THREE are Survivor, Big Brother, and Amazing Race.

I cut my teeth on Survivor when I started watching the second season. I haven’t missed a season since and even bought the DVDs of the first season so I could round out the experience. Rudy, a former Navy Seal, came in third place on the first season. We live in the same town and I got to meet him once at a seafood festival when he came over to compliment my wife on her Jambalaya, which won first place for favorite dish. He was a really cool dude and acted just like he did on the show. I briefly thought about applying for Survivor but I knew there was no way I could hack it on that show.

I didn’t initially watch Big Brother. When I married my wife, she was already watching it on her own and I would usually find something else to do when it was on. One day I didn’t have anything else to do so I sat there and watched it with her, and I got hooked. We still have a good time watching it together. We’ll pick a favorite house guest during the first episode and see who makes it farther. It makes for some spirited competition and it’s really funny when the person you pick ends up being a jizz waffle but you have to root for them anyway. I never even considered applying for Big Brother. There is no way I could be locked up all summer in a house with some of those maniacs.

My favorite reality show by far is The Amazing Race. I just love it! Seeing people race around the world, figuring out clues, dealing with U-turns, and having their fate decided by that one inept taxi driver that has no clue where he is going. My wife and I also pick teams for this one and our neighbors can often overhear us screaming encouragement or curses at our teams like they can actually hear us. Now this is a show I’ve always wanted to be on.

Kristine mentioned in her post that she had applied for The Amazing Race Canada, which is really just a politer version of the U.S. show. It reminded me that I did once apply for TAR. This was about 14 years ago. A friend of mine that I worked with named Rich applied with me. In order to apply you had to make an audition tape (yeah, they still did video tape back then) and fill out an application form. The application form was long. It was like 18 pages, front and back!

I thought we had a pretty good team. Both Rich and I traveled around the world frequently to do our jobs. Rich was a smooth talker and could usually talk anyone into a deal that benefited him the most. He also had the biggest lucky streak in the world. It was like he had a horseshoe up his ass. Everything always seemed to work out for him. So I figured he would be a great teammate. What I brought to the table wasn’t too shabby either. I was good at figuring out clues and had a knack for navigation. I thought this was TAR dream team. So, I took about two weeks filling out the application, giving every answer careful consideration. Rich, on the other hand, waited until the last day before the deadline to fill his out. With me egging him on, he rushed through the application and got it filled out in time for us to FEDEX the whole package so it would get there in time. We were certain that we would be chosen.

We waited for the call to come in and talk to the producers. We waited, and waited, and waited some more. We are still waiting. How could they not chose us? We were the perfect team! I blamed it on Rich for waiting until the last minute to fill out his application. That had to be it. It surely couldn’t have been the video we sent. That tape was clever and funny and surely would have charmed anybody into picking us.

What’s that? You want to see that tape? OK, but only because you asked so nicely. Keep in mind that this started out as an analog video, that was later transferred to DVD, then even later on converted to an MP4 video file. The quality is not the best in the world but the content is pure gold! I submit for your consideration, our The Amazing Race application video.

Now who wouldn’t want to chose us after watching that amazing production, right? My wife might not since she was pissed the first time I used her in the video. If she knew I was posting this, I would be in the doghouse again. But she doesn’t read my blog so I should be safe. All right, after re-watching this, I might have to admit it wasn’t quite as clever and funny as I had envisioned in my head. It might have played the teeniest role in why we didn’t get selected. I still prefer to blame Rich though.

So, how about you? Anybody out there that has applied for a reality show? Tell me all about it. Better yet, show me all about it!

And now, for your further viewing pleasure, outtakes from the application video. Maybe we should have just sent this in.

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