No, there can be more, swords that is. Fair warning. This one is probably going to be boring for some of you. ‘Nuff said.

We recently had some plumbing issues (no it’s not a plumbing story) and while the plumber was here he commented on some swords I had hanging on my walls. I am an amateur sword collector. Amateur being the keyword there as I don’t have any thousand year old swords that have been folded 200 times or anything really worth a lot of value. What I do have are mostly replicas and modern made swords. Anyway, he went around looking at my collection and asked a bunch of questions about where they came from. As I described the origin of the swords to him it struck me as a post idea to do the same thing. So that’s what I’m doing. Feel free to exit here if you are not interested. For the rest of you, don your armor and charge forth!

My First Sword

In the summer of 1984 I was 15 years old and I spent three months living in El Paso, Texas while my Dad attended a technical training school at Raytheon. One weekend we crossed the border into Juarez, Mexico to check it out. It was the first time I had ever left the country and I was enjoying the scenery. While we were visiting a marketplace I spotted the sword up above at a vendors booth and I just HAD to have it. I begged my Dad to get it for me. He would have normally blown me off as it wasn’t Christmas or my birthday and I didn’t earn the money for myself. But Dad had heard all about how the Mexican people liked to haggle on prices so he was down for a little contest of bargaining wills. The vendor stated the posted price in pesos and Dad countered with a ridiculously low offer. I don’t even think Dad knew what the conversion rate was. He probably was offering him like thirty-two cents. The haggling continued until they were getting closer to meeting in the middle but when they were about a 100 pesos apart from agreeing on a price, the vendor would not go any lower. My Dad would not go any higher. So he walked away, dragging my extremely disappointed butt along with him.

I was crushed. I had a thing for swords as long as I could remember. Probably back to the first time I read the Lord of the Rings, which was the first books I had ever saved up for and bought myself. I had any number of sticks back home that were my pretend swords. My friends and I would go out into the pastures of East Texas with these stick swords and metal garbage can lids for shields and smack the hell out of each other, pretending we were on a quest. I had come within a 100 pesos, which I think is like 5 dollars, to owning a real sword.

Dad had to stay in El Paso during the first few weeks of September so the rest of the family went back home to start school. Upon Dad’s return he presented everyone with some souvenirs that he had picked up. Then with a big smile on his face he pulled something out of the trunk of his car. It was a sword! It was the exact same sword! Dad had went back to Juarez and talked the guy down to his price. He handed over the sword to me and my obsession was born. Oh, my friends were so jealous the next time we met in the pasture to do battle.

If you look closely at the picture you can see some writing on the blade. It says La Muerte Es La Fuente De La Vida – Unos Mueren para que otros Biban. Translated into English that means Death is the Fountain of Life – Some die so that others Live. Heavy huh, or should a say Pesado? Tell you what. I didn’t want my fountain of life dying. You wanna live? Find your own damn fountain!

My Second Sword

I didn’t get another sword until five years later. I was in the Navy now and my ship pulled into Hong Kong for a port visit. This is a Japanese straight blade Katana. I found it at a little shop and I didn’t have to ask anyone this time. I was a single young man and had my own money now. However, I had no car there and was just hoofing it. You should have seen the stares I got when my shipmate and I were walking around with this sword strapped to my back. We even went to a restaurant with it where I propped it up in it’s own seat. The interesting part of this tale came when we went back to the ship. There was no way the watch was going to let me onboard with a six foot edged weapon. But we had consumed much of the fermented drink the country had to offer and we tried it anyway. Believe it or not, I got pass the watch with the sword mostly tucked into my shirt and pants as my friend distracted him.

I also bought a matching dagger to this sword but I don’t have a picture of it because I don’t own it anymore. I actually gave the dagger to my first ex-wife when I proposed to her. That’s right, I didn’t give her a ring, I gave her a knife. Must have been romantic enough since she said yes and don’t worry, I got her the ring shortly thereafter.

My Third Sword

This next one is a replica of Excalibur. You know, the one that King Arthur pulled from the stone then broke when he fought Lancelot after finding out he was sticking his own sword into Guinevere? Luckily the Lady of the Lake had a repair shop down there in the murky waters and fixed it for him. I bought this sword at Medieval Times in Anaheim, California. You ever been to one of those? It’s a dinner and a show set in swords and sorcery times. You get to eat with your hands and swig ale from pewter mugs while watching Knights joust and sword fight for the hand of the fair maiden. Some people may call it kitschy but I thought it kicked dragon ass! This sword is not sharp but it does have a sticky point. My collection was growing.

My Fourth Sword

When Peter Jackson did the impossible and made the supposedly un-filmable Lord of the Rings books into the best movies I have ever seen (we won’t talk about the travesty of The Hobbit movie series), I was once again bitten by the sword bug. I ordered this replica of Sting which Bilbo found in a trolls cave and later bequeathed to Frodo. I got it from New Line Cinema and it is an exact copy of the sword prop that was used in the movies. This is by far the favorite sword in my collection. So much so that the first tattoo I ever got was an imagine of Sting on my lower right leg.

My Fifth Sword

This one my wife, Michelle, surprised me with on Christmas in 2003. It’s a Viking Sword that she had commissioned from a company called Cold Steel. They were located (and steel still are) where we lived at the time, Ventura, California. It’s a fully functional sword and sharp enough to cut paper. I think it could stand up to the tests those guys on Forged in Fire put them through. It is, without doubt, one of the best presents I have ever gotten.

My Sixth Sword

This should probably be labeled sixth and seventh but they came as a set. They are replica Japanese curved blade katanas. In 2009 I was in Yokosuka, Japan on a work trip. I wanted to get a curved blade Katana as a companion sword to my straight bladed one. I wanted a real one instead of a replica but those costs way too many yen. Unlike the Mexican vendor from 1984 these Japanese shop keepers were unwilling to haggle at all. So in the end I had to settle for replicas. I still think they look good on the fireplace mantel. Don’t you? Hello? Nobody read this far? Oh well.

So that’s my collection. I haven’t bought a sword since 2009. I think 11 years is long enough. This post has made me start feeling the itch again. I have always wanted a Roman Gladiator Sword. I think my wife is going to have words with that plumber.

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