Let me start off by saying that I had NO culpability in this tale. I know that is rare when I or my actions are usually front and center in most of the crazy stories I tell from my life. Not this time though. I was just an observer. BTW, this story was voted on by my readers as the one they wanted to hear next. The vote actually ended up being a tie between this story and another one, and I had to let Alexa pick which one I would write. For complete transparency, see my updated previous post for video evidence of that pick. OK, on to the tale…

Back in my 20’s my first wife and I lived in an apartment complex. There was another couple that lived upstairs from us. Their names were Aaron and Lori. Lori and my wife were both pregnant and gave birth to our sons just weeks apart and through this common ground we all became pretty good friends. We ended up spending a lot of time at each other’s places playing cards and yes, consuming many a fermented beverage. Lori ran a daycare in her apartment during the day and most of her charges were toddlers. Sometimes she would provide babysitting services to some of her clients in the evening, especially on the weekend when their parents wanted to go out.

One Friday night Lori was watching several toddlers while we played cards. Aaron and I were tossing back the beers. My wife wasn’t drinking that night but Lori wanted to have something to drink without getting too messed up since she had kids to watch. What she decided to do was make a pitcher of Sangria and sip it slowly. She also made a pitcher of strawberry Kool-Aid for the kiddies. You see where this is going right?

Running a daycare, Lori had a plethora of sippy cups. She filled up these cups with Kool-Aid for the toddlers and an additional sippy cup for her Sangria. She figured if she had it in one of those cup she could slowly sip it and remain sober enough to be a responsible caregiver. With their sippy cups in hand, Lori herded the toddlers into a playroom she had set up, and the adults got down to some serious Uno (adult in age only evidently) card playing. Lori sparingly took sips from her cup as the color cards, draw twos, and draw four wild cards were flying. After a particularly hellacious triple stacked draw two landed in Lori’s lap she issued a few choice words at us and took a long draw on her sippy cup. She got a strange look on her face and took another long pull.

“This isn’t Sangria!” she exclaimed. “I must have poured Kool-Aid in here by mistake.”

“Uh, Lori?” I asked. “If you have Kool-Aid in your sippy cup, what’s in…” I didn’t get to finish my interrogative.

“Oh shit!” Lori yelled. We all jumped up and headed for the playroom. The sight that greeted us there would not have made the state of Florida’s Health and Human services very happy. One toddler was passed out face down in a pile of Legos. Those hurt enough when you step on them barefooted, can you imagine having a face full of multiple ones pressure adhered to your noggin? Another toddler was running face first into the wall. She would bounce back and fall, then get up and do it again, over and over. The final toddler was doing something questionable with a Barney doll. They all asked for more Kool-Aid.

For some reason they did not want to drink the coffee we tried to give them. So water was on the menu the rest of the night for those sotted sippy cuppers. By the time their parents came to pick them up they were sleeping soundly. More than one parent commented on how unusual it was for them to be so sleepy. Lori just agreed and shooed them hurriedly out the door. Bet those same parents wondered why their kids felt so bad the next morning. I doubt toddler hangovers were even on the list of possible diagnoses. We never let Lori live that one down, well at least not until years later when we all became ex-friends. That’s a tale for another time though.

You know what? Telling this tale reminds me of another related story where I was culpable. Balls! I thought I was in the clear on this one. Years and years later I guess I forgot the lesson I learned that night. We were having a party at my house for my workmates. I decided that Jello Shots would be a good mood enhancer, and with the help of my now current wife, we made up a big batch of them with all kinds of different flavors and colors. Since several of the people attending had kids we decided to make some non-alcoholic Jello Shots too. We were careful enough to put each type in a different plastic container with a label on the top of each one identifying the spiked ones from the normal ones. Only problem was when the lids got pried off of those containers, the identification system broke down. Luckily we had a kid complain to his mom that his Jello tasted funny and we quickly remedied the situation. I bet that kid got beat up by the other kids later. From then on out we instituted a separate color policy. One color for alcoholic and a different color for non-alcoholic. That system has severed us well, even if I have to eat the nasty blue non-alcoholic ones now.

How about you? Any funny mix up stories for me? I’m sure the statute of limitations has expired on any unintentional breaking of the law. Except maybe a murder mix up. Don’t tell me about those, at least not here where law enforcement could see. Wait, who am I kidding? What are the odds that any of my 7.5 readers are law enforcement? Go ahead and take a chance!

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