One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to define thee,
If I were to lose that Ring, in the darkness she would bind me.

J.R.R. Tolkien (slightly modified)

Ari and wife 1/3 were speeding west along I-10 in their ’88 Mercury Tracer hatchback. The cargo area in the back was full to the brim with suitcases. The back seat was full with a three year old toddler and a two month old baby. They were about three hours out of Jacksonville, FL on a trip to Texas where Ari was going to serve as best man at his best friends wedding. That’s when things started going, well, wrong.

Ari glanced at the fuel gauge on the driver side console and was satisfied to see they still had just under a half a tank of gas. That’s when he noticed the temperature gauge on the other side of the console. He was not satisfied to see that the little orange indicator needle was in the upper section that was headed by a little H with a red line under it. Even if he already didn’t know about cars, the layman would know that red is never a good color on gauges. It was a hot late August day, so maybe it was just running a little hot. Ari tried to convince himself that was what it was. However, as he continued to drive, the needle kept slowly climbing toward the ominous red line.

As Ari turned to inform 1/3 of the possible issue, the car started to lose power and steam began to waft from under the hood. The needle was now firmly maxed out within the red zone. Luckily (if you can call any of this luck) there was a rest area within half a mile of their location. Ari nursed the ailing car to a parking spot at the rest area. When he opened the hood a thunderous cloud of steam enveloped him. When it cleared, he saw the problem. One of the cooling hoses near the back of the engine had sprung a leak. Ari, being the resourceful chap he is, got his tool box (never go on a trip without it his father had taught him) out of the back. He removed the hose, cut off the portion with the hole in it, and was able to reattach it thanks to there being enough slack in the hose. He refilled the radiator with a water hose at the rest area, and despite the somewhat dirty clothes he was wearing and a little lost time, they were back on their way.

1/3 was quite proud of Ari the problem slayer, and he couldn’t help but feel a little proud of himself. Confident in his repair skills, Ari put the pedal to the medal to make up for lost time. A number of hours later still on I-10 in Mississippi, Ari was quite shocked to feel the car losing power. He looked at the temp gauge and was horrified to see it firmly in the red again! He had been so confident in the repair he hadn’t even given the gauge another glance. As they pulled over to yet another rest area, 1/3 gave him a look. He knew that look. It said, “Not quite the master problem fixer you thought you were, huh?” Another foray under the hood showed no more leaking hoses, yet there had been more steam when he opened it and he could tell by the bone dry reservoir that the car had lost more cooling water. Baffled, Ari did the only thing he could think of. He called his Dad on the payphone at the rest area. Dad was also a master problem fixer and once he heard the details of this particular problem he suggested that the thermostat might be stuck and causing the engine to overheat.

Ari went back to work. He spent the next hour or so with his ass end sticking out from under the hood of the car while 1/3 and the kids sat at a picnic table in the sweltering sun. Ari eventually managed to remove the piping that held the thermostat. He couldn’t tell if it was stuck or not but he intended to just leave it out so the engine could get max cooling water. He wouldn’t be able to run the heater this way but that was a problem he could put off until winter. Unfortunately, he didn’t realize he had torn the gasket around the thermostat pipe housing until he had it back together, filled it up with water, and watched in dismay as it leaked everywhere. Now what was he going to do? No way he could drive this thing to a parts store to get a new gasket. He was beyond frustrated and 1/3 (who was not known for her patience) was reaching her own internal red line dealing with the children in the heat of the day. That’s when an angel in the form of a good ole Mississippi boy showed up to save the day. He offered to go to the nearest auto part store and get Ari a gasket. He returned within the hour and soon all was well as cooling water was now flowing again at max GPM through the engine. Ari profusely thanked the guy, and had it not been the early 90’s, would have probably gotten his e-mail, or Facebook info and kept in touch. As it was though, Ari never saw the Good Samaritan again and his part in this tale was over.

I bet you are wondering what in hell all this has to do with a wedding ring. Hold your horses, we’re getting to that.

After a couple of hours back on the road again, they turned off I-10 onto a Mississippi state highway that would take them north and eventually connecting them to I-20 where they would continue the journey to Texas. They had lost a significant amount of travel time dealing with the troublesome engine and Ari was beginning to realize that the trip that they usually did in one day was not going to be possible now with cranky kids and a frustrated 1/3. They decided to get a hotel in Hattiesburg which was about halfway up the state highway. Once snuggly in the hotel room, Ari removed all his dirty and greasy clothes and started to put them in a corner of one of the suitcases. 1/3 was having none of that though and told him to put them in a trash bag so they could be washed when they got to Texas. Ari did as he was told by liberating the trash bag out of the bathroom garbage can.

The next morning they loaded up the car. Ari had already packed the cargo area with the suitcases and was now carrying a car seat with the two month old in one hand while sporting the bag of greasy clothes in the other. When he reached the car he needed both hands to buckle in the car seat, so he sat the bag of clothes on the top of the car. He would toss them in the back when he was done with the car seat. All packed up, they headed out on the road again. Wouldn’t you know it? A couple hours down the road the car started to overheat again. However, the needle never quite made it in to the red danger zone. Ari discovered if he pulled over for about 15 minutes the engine would cool and he could get a couple hours of driving time before it overheated again. He obviously knew something was wrong but he decided that he would get to Texas utilizing this somewhat painful method where his Dad could help him figure out the problem.

So that’s what they did. Eventually they arrived at Ari’s parents house where they would be staying before going to the wedding. In the end, Ari and his Dad figured out that the radiator cap was leaking. After spending $1.39 on a simple replacement cap, the car was totally fixed. The simplicity of the whole repair was not lost on Ari, but he chose to forget about all the follies experienced on the trip there. They spent two weeks in Texas, went to the wedding, had a great time, then went back home.

Wait, am I forgetting something? Oh yeah! The Ring!

The day after they had arrived, Ari took a shower and after, when he was getting dressed, noticed he couldn’t find his wedding ring. He queried 1/3 to see if maybe she had put it in her purse when he was working on the car. She had not. Ari then thought he had probably put the ring in his blue jeans pocket when he was working on the car. He went out to the car to get the bag of greasy clothes to retrieve the ring. After several minutes of rooting around in the back of the car, Ari came to the sickening realization that the bag was not there. After checking with 1/3 to make sure she hadn’t brought the bag in, Ari remembered something. He had put the bag of dirty clothes on the top of the car when he was buckling in the car seat. Know what he didn’t remember? Grabbing that bag and throwing them it in the car. 1/3 was not at all happy about this development and let her feelings be known quite clear. In a desperate attempt, Ari called the hotel in Hattiesburg to inquire if anyone had turned in a bag of dirty clothes that had surely fell off the car when they left. The front desk clerk that answered the phone sadly informed him that no such bag had been brought to them.

Thus, some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History became legend. Legend became myth. And for two weeks, the ring passed out of all knowledge. Of course it was not forgotten by 1/3, who took every opportunity to chastise Ari about losing the ring.

Two weeks later they were on their way back to Jacksonville in a perfectly performing car when they passed through Hattiesburg again. As they neared the hotel they had stayed at, 1/3 gave Ari a withering glare. She suggested demanded that Ari pull in and inquire just once more if anyone had turned in a bag of dirty clothes. Ari had no confidence at all that this quest would bear fruit, but he decided that it was better to perform this little task instead of suffering through more derogatory comments thrown his way for the rest of the trip. He pulled the car into the motel parking lot and under the awning to the front door. Once inside he explained his quest to the on duty desk clerk. She sympathized with his plight and thoroughly searched the desk area, but to no avail. His prize was not there. Ari thanked her and turned to leave, not looking forward to the forthcoming ire of 1/3. That’s when from the back of a secret chamber (the manager’s office) came a voice asking if someone had said something about a lost bag of clothes. Ari quickly turned to see a different woman had emerged carrying the very trash bag that he had stashed his greasy shirt and jeans with what he hoped contained The Ring. The manager explained that somebody had in fact turned in the bag of clothes two weeks ago and she had it in her office. Ari quickly snatched the bag and muttered something about his precious. Out came the shirt, out came the socks, out came the dirty underwear (he didn’t care), then came the dirty jeans. He shoved his hand into one of the pockets, no ring! He tried the other pocket. What was that? Did he possibly feel something small and round? He retrieved the object and held it up to the illumination of the fluorescent light bulb above the lobby desk. There, held between his first finger and thumb was a plain golden round…ring! The Ring! As he slipped it on the ring finger of his left hand he thought about the odds of finding it again. They hadn’t been high but he had completed the quest, even if it had taken a little prodding from 1/3. He thanked the manager and returned victorious to the car to show 1/3 the improbable completion of the quest. She was very happy that the ring had been returned to its rightful place, binding Ari to her once again.

Four years later, Ari had not the slightest bit of trouble (like Frodo had) when he threw the ring into the fires of Mt. Doom deepest part of the Atlantic Ocean where he hopes it still lies to this day.

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