“Mr. and Mrs. Lovelace,” the vet tech said to us. “We can offer you a couple of options for your pet. We can have him cremated and returned to you in an URN or we can cremate him and humanely dispose of the ashes.”

“Neither,” I replied. “Where I come from, a man buries his own dog.”

Last Friday we lost Sawyer and I am completely devastated. I’ve lost dogs before but I knew it was coming then. This totally took us by surprise. I could tell my best friend, my first hiking partner, my family member, wasn’t feeling well Thursday night. He didn’t eat his dinner and he just wanted to rest on the couch. There was a bit of a stomach bug going around and I thought he might have caught it. We made sure he was resting well before we went to bed that night. When I got up in the morning he was laying on the floor and still didn’t want any food for breakfast, but he did drink a good deal of water and got up, walked around a bit, then went back to the couch.

I kept an eye on him while I worked from my desk across from the couch and he seemed to be doing fine when after awhile he started wheezing and it seemed he was having trouble breathing. He tried to stand up and fell off the couch where I rushed to his side. He then threw up and I thought he would feel better after that but he continued to stay in the prone position on the floor. At this point we decided he needed to go to the vet. Michelle called, letting them know we were coming in and I ran out to get the Jeep ready to put him in. When I got back in the rig, Sawyer was visibly shaking and he was looking at me with a real scared expression on his face. I promised him everything would be all right and with the help of a guy who happened to be walking down the street in front of our site, I got him in the back of the Jeep. He laid there shivering and shaking and scared. I hugged him tight and said we would get him to help and he needed to hang on.

He didn’t. Somewhere along the ten minute drive he passed. When we go to the vet, Michelle ran in to get someone to help us bring him in, but when I opened the back door I could see he was no longer with us. At this point I grabbed his lifeless body in my arms and wailed at the top of my lungs! I didn’t care who heard or saw. My heart broke then, yet unlike his, it kept beating, and with every pulse there was a pain like no other I’ve ever felt. The vet techs that came out with Michelle had to pry him from my arms to take him back and confirm what I already knew. I grasped Michelle in my arms and we had a good long cry. The techs at the vet comforted us and treated us very well. When I told them I would be burying my own dog, they respected that decision and sealed him up in a nice carrying bag for us.

The good thing about being stuck in Dallas for almost two years is that I am a three hour drive from my hometown and the family farm. We brought Sawyer home and laid him to rest on our land. We all stood around his grave saying our good-bye’s and then we played his favorite song, “The Joker” by the Steve Miller Band. Whenever that song would come on he would sing right along with it. May he rest in peace and know that he was a huge part of our lives and we are going to miss him forever!

I haven’t been able to sleep very well since last Friday. Every time I close my eyes I see Sawyer looking at me with his big black eyes asking for help and knowing I broke the promise that everything would be all right. It hurts so bad! I know it will fade with time but I’m not sure I even want it to. Here’s some images of my best buddy below:

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