Don’t know why I am writing about this. I was just thinking about it last night when I was trying to fall asleep. Instead of counting sheep, I counted all the holes I had in me after my transplant surgery. I’m sure Rivergirl will classify this as TMI, so I’ll give you that warning right now. Only proceed if you are wholly interested in my holes.

When I woke up from my transplant surgery I had a number of things penetrating my body. Some were in naturally occurring holes, others had made their own. Overall there are ten holes to discuss. Let’s cover the natural holes first:

• Mouth – I was intubated with a tube down my throat. Couldn’t talk, much to my family’s delight I bet.
• Nose – Both holes had an oxygen nozzle stuck up it. No big deal here. It was actually nice to be getting the extra boost of air.
• Urine Hole – Yup! You know what I am talking about. I had a catheter stuck up a hole that should never have anything up it! This was a very BIG DEAL. While it was convenient to pee whenever I needed to, it was quite uncomfortable. When they took it out I thought it would hurt like hell. While it did feel weird, it wasn’t really painful. What was painful is the several days after when I would go to pee normally. Evidently the C-hose had roughed up my urinary tract while in residence.

Now the unnatural holes:

• Standard IV port in left arm – Nothing new here. I’ve had a million of these.
• Three holes in the side of my neck – Not even sure what these lines were but they made it a pain in my ass neck to turn my head. When they were removed it didn’t really hurt but the holes kept bleeding which necessitated lots of gauze patches.
• Two drain holes in the right side of my abdomen – I saved these for last because they were the ones that gave me the most trouble. Two hoses that drained excess fluid from the surgery site inside my abdomen. Off all the penetrations, these were the ones that made me feel violated the most. They were painful, movement restricting, and worst of all, they led to this little bag that filled up and had to be changed out. I’m guessing it was kind of like having a colostomy bag. When it filled up, I had to call the nurse to change it. Sometimes I had nurses that weren’t so Johnny-on-the-Spot and it would overflow and cause a mess that I am sure you want no further detail on. Did I say that was the worst? Nope. The worst was when they took the hoses out. Oh my God did it hurt! Furthermore it felt like it was tugging on things inside that would be best left alone. It took forever to get them out like there must have been 15 feet of the stuff coiled up inside me. That part bothered me even more than the pain.

So there you have it. My ten holes explained in more detail than I am sure you ever wanted. What? Did I fall asleep after counting them? Nope. I instead picked up Rebecca Wallick’s “Wolf Book” and spent the next two hours reading that. You should check it out, it’s damn good!

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